I am seriously stressed out.
I am afraid because I know I haven't done too well on some of the finals I have taken. Its my fault, I am not much of a studier, studying just does not work for me. I cannot concentrate on anything for a remotely large period of time (unless its painting–of course, with a plentiful amount of time for breaks, anyways), especially if I just don't feel like doing it. Instead, I do things that are either completely worthless, or can be completed at some other time. Like yesterday, instead of looking over notes I actually have taken, I re-organized my closet, refolded every single article of clothing I own, doodled recklessely and angrily for hours, and even planned out my 18th birthday: a Marie Antoinette theme that will more than likely never even happen. Damn us bulls and our compulsive laziness.
I took my Economics final today, and I was suprised at how much I DIDN'T know. Usually I can retain the information (which is why I find no need to study) needed and I'll pass with a B or C. But I forgot that I did absolutely NOTHING in Econ, except for work on late art home assignments, snack on hot cheetos, and share stories with Kels, Alexis, and Sabz.
The day before, I took my chemistry final. This is the one class that I seriously need to pass. I currently have a D, and I am not down for fucking night school. And so I went home, laid down my textbook, notes, and practice final my teacher provided us with, played some quiet ambient music, sat down, and then: nothing. I had the right mindset. I mean, I was planning on studying. But I guess, the sad truth is that I don't know how. And so, I took the damn test, and I am praying to God and to Mary and Joseph and all those sweet angels and saints in heaven that by some miracle, I'll pass her class with a C-.
Tomorrow, I am taking the English final, which is practically comprised of a shitload of stories that I should probably start reading right now.... .
BYEZ.
mkp.
