Sharp Shock.

I am a heap of limp limbs bundled up in a pile on this bed.
My hair is a mess of tangled curls, enfolding my face, my neck, my chest. The contours of my face traced by the konstant tears that keep streaming down, down, down.
I am tired. Exhausted from another sleepless night, plagued by bad dreams. My mind is jumping. Over-analyzing. Reaching false conclusions.
I am falling apart, in more ways than one. I am not in touch with who I am, my motives, my feelings. All that is clear is that I am very much upset, afraid. I know that something is wrong.
I am alone. And I know I will feel this way until we finally speak.

Two days. Two days.




mkp.

asijhrinflghkj;khgi

I'm fucking tired of being treated like this. Like I just come secondary to you. It annoys me that I continue to deal with it. What for? For love? During times like these, I doubt its worth it. I don't think it will be if I'm the one who always has to go out of the way and give and sacrifice and apologize and mend. You're fucking selfish and inconsiderate. And everything always has to go your fucking way. I do so much for you, and you take it for granted.

/endrant.




mkp.

Limping On Two Legs Again.

Sometimes, I feel like I'm once again, grazing the edge. Sometimes, out of nowhere, it appears that we've become completely undone in the matter of minutes. Time is not my friend, right now. The meticulous and lengthy process takes to trust one, can still be unwound, in the shortest instance. The large amounts of days, weeks you spend with another, that can feel so substantial and steady, can be betrayed within the lack of communication that can take place within a single day. Time is moving so fast, but within the week, it moves at such a slow pace, that I find myself sometimes merely waiting. I keep myself busy. Within the past 24 hours, I'm feeling much more confident. Trust has replaced a large portion of the doubt. Still, there is a slight pang of sadness. And evidently, I am still very much afraid.

So please, walls stay down; head, find clarity; heart, remain open. Perseverance, determination, faith: be on my side, during these next few stages. I know I will need you more than ever.




mkp.