1.

I can't say that this has been the perfect Thanksgiving. The broken promises, exposed realities, and flood of tears that accrued at the start of the day have told me otherwise. Fearful, diminishing, trying, and finally running back to One. But still, I am very thankful for a handful of genuine people who have been nothing but real, loyal friends to me.

The way things ended, hopefully, only fueled a new start.


Happy Thanksgiving.




mkp.

It's All Love, My Stupid Love.

Overall, today can be compared to taking a bite out of a sour orange: bitter and acidic, yet still downright refreshing.

So many things have happened in the span of a few hours, that I feel like a completely different person from who I was in the beginning of the day. All I know is that you're a jerk, and I'm a bitch. Totally kidding, but I am sorry. And even though this is all far from perfect, trust that my hope has been restored. Things will always get worse before they get better. But I think this was one of the first steps in the right direction.

On a totally unrelated note, I can't feel my legs and I think I'm getting sick. But, I scored big time at Goodwill today. Two cardi's, a sweater, and a "Wild Things" shirt for less than $20? Jackpot.




mkp.

Listen Sweetie,

You never meant that much to me
Hope your eyes can see what you did to me
You'll always be my enemy.

Today, I feel tired. Today, I feel productive.
And it's not even worth it to feel angry right now, cause I know this bitch won't ever back the fuck down.

All I know is that next semester, my Tuesdays are really going to suck.

A-what.

mkp.

11:11

Today marks a day of great importance. Today is one of the days in the calendar that's immediately marveled upon, just like Halloween and friends' birthdays. November 11. Not just because it is Veteran's day, but also because it happens to be Leo's death anniversary. Every year, I am reminded of how little and short our time is. I am pushed to live and not to regret, and to mean everything I say. And sometimes its hard to do those things. Its easy to get lost within time and to wish for something more. Nonetheless, its been six years, and I am glad to be where I am. I'm lacking roughly a hundred dollars taken from my account, a working iPod, about 7 good inches of my hair, my camera to document this change, and the right words, but when I read this over, I smile. I smile because I know that I am finally letting myself move forward. I miss you and I love you.

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mkp.

Put Me Next to the Light.

I tried sleeping on it. But I didn't really sleep. I thought about it all night.

And I realized that all those choices don't work for me. Sure, they could make sense, but not at all in their relevance to this ordeal. Actually, I hardly even think they relate at all. I think of where I was, and where I am now. Where you were, and where you are now. And how we were, how we are, and how we'll be. Last night, I didn't know what the right thing was to do. I knew what I wanted, but was I really ready for it? But now I know. I'm in a truly vulnerable state and I feel fucking scared. But at the same time, I've learned that the only way to get anywhere is to move along. So fuck those options. My gut is telling me to do something entirely different. And I don't know if you'd necessarily think it's right, but I feel that it is.
I feel it in my bones.




mkp.

Feel Feathers of an Arrow.

This weekend. I still don't really know what to think about it all.

Except that trick-or-treating pretty much sucked.
And I definitely hate when alcohol consumption leads throwing up.
And that I'm definitely not planning on drinking for a while.
That I now have an ugly bruise from the inflammation on my knee.
That I hate arguing with her.
That I wish I didn't feel so scared.
That I'm going to miss my cousin, Paolo, when he goes back home.
That we need to take a road trip to Irvine.
That shit's just fucking been happening lately.
And I'm saddened by the decision made.

I hope you know that I am here for you. And you'll be okay.




mkp.