Good vibes, Good friends, Good life.

thanksgiving = completely shitfaced.
day after thanksgiving = slightly shitfaced.
today = ???

but irregardless of the gruesome hangovers and comedowns I've suffered from lately, i was with the people i've grown to love: my family, my friends, my friends who ARE my family.
my heart is lifted, and I am so thankful to have them in my life.

Life is being rather good to me, and I am loving every second of it.

i needed today.

thank you shell. thank you eddie. thank you chris.
thank you liz, thank you liz.

i love my best friend.happy thanksgiving to all.




-mkp

Sketchy.

i'm forcing a daily drawing.

as for the highlight of my day: i realized that i am scared shitless.
scared of the future, of college applications, of being open with how i feel, of seeing my family for thanksgiving, of tomorrow's dreaded but needed effort for redemption. but more importantly, i am afraid what will happen to us. what is happening to us anyway?

i just really miss TALKING to you.




-mkp

Dwindling.

when you told me that you liked me
burn, burn, i burned into the ground
i asked you, "where's your girl now?"
then you told me "california",
but i was thinking of us.
i asked you, "how can we be now?"

when i told you that i was leaving
burn, burn, you burned into the ground
you told me, "i want this even more now."
then you held me, said you loved me
but i know we were only friends
i told you, "goodbye until we meet again."
and we kissed without kissing,
touched softly, without touching
and we fell headfirst.

a phonecall was all it took to bring us together
with shaking hands, you touched me there
and i swear i could've stayed forever
but still, i said,
"its the last time, i'll be gone for good"
cause i fell headfirst,
and i don't kiss and tell.

i have been on a song-writing frenzy.
i was at americana on sunday, ran into somebody unexpected, his arms around her. i wasn't jealous. its just a bit weird. weird, thats all. but there were definite feelings between us at one time or another. and though those feelings have gone away over time, i can't help but miss it sometimes.


on a slightly heavier note, it hurts me to see you moping around in sadness, due to the carelessness and apthathy of a once-friend. i know you well enough to know that it is troublesome. i see it in your eyes everytime we speak. i hate seeing you silenced this way.

and if you're reading this, i hope you know that i care for you.




-mkp

59 days.

its really incredible how i've been able to keep up with this.
i never would've thought it would be possible.
its still not getting any easier.
actually, as time goes by, its getting progressively harder and harder.
but i guess its because i keep neglecting the fact that i'm trying to rid myself of 5 years of work.
and now, instead of killing away my emtions, i have to learn to deal with them.
but how? i have to practically reteach myself to do everything.
and to be honest, i feel a tad bit insane.

however, three people have coincidentally made it all alot easier in the span of yesterday: someone i've met this year who has truly inspired me to keep holding on, a friend i've cherished for years now, and an asshole that i've happened to grown very fond of.

no school today = college applications, cleaning, and a visit to OTIS.




-mkp

Moosiqs

I like keeping up with this blog.

and because I am unoriginal and always bored, i am copying music recommendation concept. All night, I've been thinking of the lucky song to brave the spot. And i came to the conclusion that it had to be this:

Relief Next to Me - Tegan and Sara

I've been a T&S nerd for quite some time now, and frankly, i am OBSESSED with their amazing song-writing style. Sara's, at least. Their latest album The Con really allows her to show off her artistry at its best.

So, listen to every flicker of noise and let your ears feed off of their meticulous, and beautiful yet eerie musicianship skillz.




-mkp

what i'm looking for.

I got back from leading Valyermo yesterday, and I am dead tired.
However, it is obvious to everyone that I’ve been in a great mood. My heart is lifted and I feel loved. And I never thought that leading this retreat would be so rewarding. It wasn’t MY Valyermo retreat, I had been through it all before, I knew exactly what would happen when it did. But I didn’t, really. I’ve never felt so happy to be who I am than ever before. I left with the much-needed support to go on with my journey, new friends, closer relationships, and the knowledge that I’ve changed someone’s life.

And for those of you who now know, maybe it would be a good time for me to tell you that I was able to sleep perfectly last night. I don’t know how, but maybe it had to do with having a bunch of kids that I don’t even know hugging me and telling me that I’ve inspired them in ways unimaginable. This is just so unreal. Its better than any high I’ve had, to be honest.

As for today, I went to the Otis open house, mainly for my portfolio review. I lost my good luck ring that I usually wear on a necklace. So instead, I wore our bracelet. The funny thing is, that bracelet’s refused to stay on since we’ve stopped talking.




-mkp

today:

I am leaving for Valyermo tonight.


this was taken in February, during MY valyermo. This was an incredible experience that really opened up my eyes, that really changed me. It continues to be the single best decision I have made thus far in my life.

This time, I am going as a leader. And I hope that i will be able to help do for others what this experience has done for me.




-mkp

Dripping/Drooping

14 x 17, colored pencil on paper.




-mkp

now we're saying bye









.

. . . . . .

I can never seem to untangle what I feel from what really matters.

My legs are sore from running.
My head is throbbing from thinking.
My eyes are swollen from last night’s tearful mess.

My mind is scattered from everyone else’s thoughts and problems and dilemmas that I’ve had to put mine on hold.
This doesn’t directly involve me, but I feel that it certainly does.
I am in the middle of you both.

While you two turn to me for help, who will I turn to?
My friendship with her has been faltered immensely.
And he couldn’t possibly understand or know what to say.

What should truly matter to me anyways?
And better yet, how the fuck am I supposed to feel?
How can I be expected to save anyone when I can’t even seem to save myself?

The only comfort I can find is within this glass.
The taste becomes irritable after a while, but still, it does help.
I’ll be in my bed, thinking of my Valyermo speech, hugging my pillow.

I am sure things won’t be the same for a while.




-mkp

or FREE

Bright Eyes- Digital Ash in a Digital Urn.

They invented love all right
But they still can’t make it right
Plastic or metal or whatever to hold it all in
So it just keeps leaking (insert water sounds)
All over everything (insert everything)
Dripping and splashing/making music
Gives me an ear infection
Now my equilibrium’s fucked
So I’m holding onto the railing all the way down
And I’m asking for your shoulder on the way up
If you help me when I’m frightened I’ll help you when you’re drunk
Promise you know nothing and you’re someone I can trust
Neverminding hot DEATH on our heels
But never forgetting it either.

I’ve almost forgotten how good this album is.

My plans for tonight were cancelled, but this is a nice alternative.




-mkp

know it.

i am going to be leading the november valyermo next week.
this retreat did wonders for me when i went, and i feel that i owe that to so many others. i just hope that they can get out what they need from it.

there is a personal talk invloved. i've got "know it", which is essentially the talk about coming to terms with yourself, and accepting yourself, and knowing yourself. and while this may seem like the perfect topic for me (if you know me personally, anyways), i feel that i have no idea who the hellz i am.

lately, i've been enjoying writing this shit up.
i don't know if i should feel embarrassed or ecstatic about this sudden eagerness, but it is really quite pathetic.
i'm pretty sure no one really reads any of this anyways.
the little link located on my about me is practically invisible.

but for those of you who are reading, watch this.
i find immense amounts relatibility through this vid, and song itself.


t&s=<3




-mkp

Obama wins.

WISHFUL

you're the only one i've got right now,
so let me know...
it still feel new, but time's a-wasting
and i don't know if i should stay or go or wait
should we start at a start
before this becomes the thing that'll break my heart in two?
i've been here before
many times to think or dwell or when i wanted something more.
its fine with me to stay undiscovered,
i'll stick with what i said before.
you touch my hands, and i will kiss your lips
and you will just ignore my reasons to wait.
i should listen to time.
although its fine for now,
i can always change my mind and leave the answers in the dark.
i know that you like me a lot,
but it was only just a thought.




-mkp

my mind keeps spinning closer and closer

i have had an incredible weekend thus far.
and it doesn't really matter right now to me if we are on bad terms with each other, but i do hope you had a great time as well.

friday, as you know it, was halloween.
i did not go trick-or-treating this year, but i did go to see the Horrorpops play at The House of Blues in Anaheim with Rachelle and Kelsey. it was a long and tiring ride, almost gruesome due to traffic and idiotic drivers, but it was most def worth it. i danced the whole night away. i hadn't been to a punk show in the longest time, and though the horrorpops are more like psychobilly rather than punk, it definitley brought back A LOT of memories.
i miss that shit.

yesterday,
fambam party for my neices. and that night, i saw She & Him at the Wiltern with Lisa and Kelsey. i had never really been to a show like that before. we were just sitting in admiration and enjoying every second of it. they played a few more songs for an encore at the end. it was very sweet and pretty.
wish i had brought more money for merch.


today, i am going to rest up and possibly take a jab at writing.



pics laterrrr