Or Something More.

100 days and counting, still.

For those who know of/are involved in my current situation:
I want to apologize. Often, I relied on many of you for far too much. And I realize now, that I can't rely on anyone but myself. I've hurt many of you, possibly taken you for granted, and risked our friendships just to continue this temorary induced happiness. I've also been irritable and selfish a few times along the way to staying stopped. I guess I felt like I was fucked either way, but now I know that I am much better off here. I'm sorry.

With that being said, thank you so much. For those who have been there for me along the way: you mean the world to me, and without your support and encouragement, I truly would not have made it this far. I am so grateful to have had your guidance along the way.

It feels like a beginning.

Have a Happy New Year.
and Happy Birthday, Matthew.




mkp.

Folds.

After Christmas = a few extra 20 dollar bills.
A few extra 20 dollar bills = unecessary spulrging on art supplies.
Unecessary splurging on art supplies = New art shtuffs!

Where did the idea for the folds in her face come from?

When I'm bored in Church every Sunday, I find myself always in the same postion: slouched uncomfortably in the pew with my head resting upon my father's shoulder, concentrating on the folds in the fabric of whoever's sitting/standing/kneeling in front of me. Today, the particular victim's shirt was beyond wrinkled, and so I found myself amazed. I had so much to do before the hour was done with. My eyes found themselves following each layer, thinking and concentrating and admiring the depths of the folds in the fabric. My head refused to let me look away. I wanted so desperately to yell at that man for doing such a thing to me. It was a long-ass fabric study.
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This is the last sunday of December! And because I have missed a few Sunday Music Recommendations, I've decided to do something rather special!

This is a countdown of my top 10 favorite albums of the year.

10. Of Montreal, Skeletal Lamping
Kevin Barnes gets weirder and weirder with each release ( that’s a good thing, the more fun this band’s albums become). Here, he is having a bit of a personality crisis: his alter-ego Georgie Fruit, a black transsexual male in his late 40s who is addicted to sex, has mostly taken over. The result is a continuous flow of sexual, peculiar, and catchy songs with hints of psychedelic glam-rock that keep begging for you to dance along.
Download: “Id Engager”, “For Our Elegant Caste”, “Plastis Wafers”

9. Lykke Li, Youth Novels
She may not be as notorious as Amy Winehouse, and her rise may not have been as quick as Duffy’s, but Lykke Li definitely does NOT get lost in the shuffle of sudden female singers coming from the UK. Originally from Sweden, her music sets her apart. Its so danceable, but besides that, its fucking good.
Download: "I’m Good, I’m Gone", "Little Bit", "Let it Fall"

8. Vampire Weekend, Vampire Weekend
Vampire weekend’s debut is confident, precise, mature, and clever. This is a solid effort that captures continuous melodies, memorable hooks and plenty of toe-tapping moments. These songs show that this band really is smart (Columbia University aluni!), but they are also fun. This is a good-times album that celebrates the positive sides of the world.
Download: “Oxford Comma”, "The Kids Don’t Stand a Chance”, “Walcott”

7. She & Him, Volume 1
An unlikely duo between actress, Zooey Deschanel, indie-musician, M. Ward. The result is a collection of gently, dreamy, folksy original songs and covers reminiscent of the 60s. Zooey’s voice is charming and sweet, and M. Ward manages to add his own magical touch with his music without risking the album’s sincerity. This album found itself on repeat for a long time, with me wishing for more.
Download: "You Really Got a Hold on Me", "Change is Hard", "Why Do you Let Me Stay Here"

6. Duffy, Rockferry
I surprised myself with how much I LOVED this album, considering the excessive welcome of big voices coming from the U.K. She's no Amy Winehouse, and thats a good thing (there's only room for one of those). Duffy is a contemporary pop recording artist with a 60's-esque voice that is reminiscent of the classics, but it doesn't resort to imitating them. This is a stellar album, and I play I find myself playing it all the time.

Download: "Delayed Devotion", "Warwick Avenue", "Mercy"

5. Atmosphere, When Life Gives You Lemons, You Paint That Shit Gold
First and foremost, where were Ant’s beats?! Slug’s words and Ant’s beats were a beautiful match made in heaven, but those beloved beats were nowhere to be found. Instead, Slug lays out his painful narratives over Ant’s new-found layout of live-instrumentation. And eventually, I realize that it is a good move, it shows how much Atmosphere has grown and progressed over the years, slightly lifting Atmosphere further out of indie-rap territory (which can either be a good or bad thing). This is a completely solid album; every song is enticing and emotional, filled with tales of the trials of parenthood and everyday tragedies. While it is not better than some of their previous releases (God Loves Ugly and Lucy Ford, to be precise), it was worth every penny.
Download: "In Her Music Box", "Painting", "Guarantees"

4. MGMT, Oracular Spectacular
This band has been there for me through every waking moment of 2008. Whether I was exulted, upset, faded, or just kicking it with my homies, this was my go-to album. With words that seemed completely irrelevant to any given situation, and contagious, carefully-constructed beats, I found myself dancing along. Each oracular experience has been astounding; an acid-tinged daydream that seemed to hold more answers for me than questions. Oracular Spectacular may be a complex effort, but the verdict is simple--it's brilliant.
Download: "Kids", "Electric Feel", "The Handshake", THE ENTIRE ALBUM.

3. Conor Oberst, Conor Oberst
Conor’s been making music since his early teens under the name Bright Eyes (of which I am a HUGE fan), yet this is his first album released under his own name. Upon first hearing this, I was beyond ecstatic. I impatiently waited the very day of its release, and when that day finally arrived it, I unhesitatingly bought it and immediately stuck it in my old,dusty cd-player for a listen. To be honest, I did not like it very much at first. Upset, I set the cd aside underneath a pile of mix cds I had received from friends. It was not the same conor that I had grown to love, I missed the angsty-teenage Conor, and it upset me that I would probably never get to hear any new angry Conor stuff. But I had to realize this: Oberst is now 28. He is no longer and angry teenager; he is a grown man. And so, I placed the d back into the player, hit play one more time, and pushed away my own selfish reasons for refusing to give it an honest listen. Like always, his words grew on me. “There’s nothin’ that the road cannot heal.”
Download: “Moab”, “Cape Canaveral”, “Sausalito”

2. Fleet foxes, Fleet Foxes
This is what the world of pop has been seeking for so long: rich melodies, harmonies, and instrumentations. They are able to create a beautiful contrast between the ecstatic and the sensitive melodies. Commonly compared to the Beach Boys, I’d like to think otherwise (they are more like a lower-dosage of Animal Collective). Fleet Foxes has a different appeal. While Feet Foxes has the ability to take the listener back to “the roots”, it also creates a new fantastical experience, each song a mini-epic.
Download: "White Winter Hymnal", "Blue Ridge Mountains", "Ragged Wood"

1. Brian Eno & David Bryne, Everything that Happens Will Happen Today
11 SONGS OF PURE BRILLIANCE. Finely crafted, and somewhat unexpected. Not too eno-experimental. This is a rare gem that I find myself constantly dying to share with anyone. The collaboration between these two relies on Eno for the music, and bryne for the vocals and words: perfectly matched. perfectly balanced. Perfect.
Download: "Strange Overtones", "I feel My Stuff", "Everything that Happens"

So, with that, I'd like you to listen to any of these albums right NOW. do it do it do it.

Good night.

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mkp.

P.S. I'm currently unable to text/receive text messages. Sorry!

12/25

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Happy Holidays, everyone.

I hope you spend the day with the ones you love.

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p.s. Guess who DIDN'T fail chem? ME!

I passed with a C-, and I could not be any happier.

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mkp

SHOEZ.

Dear Santa,

I hope that you and your wife have been enjoying the holiday season so far. I also hope that the reindeer are well-rested and the elves aren't too busy!

I believe that I have been a good girl this year.
And because I have been so wonderful, this is what I would like:

Pink Classic 8-eyes. $110.00; Dc. Martens.

Platforms. $125.00; Jeffrey Campbell.

Ballet Flats. $100.00; Slow and Steady Wins the Race.




Leather Boots. $90.00; Chinese Laundry.
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Have a Merry, Merry Christmas.

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Sincerely,

Marie Kristine.

Technicolor Girls

all, 14 x 17. Colored pencil on paper.

These are the first four of the ongoing series I'm working on.

They're all going into the portfolio.

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Your best friend forevz,

MKP.

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p.s. have fun in Mexico, Eddie!

I'm not a failure, I swear

I've had a very long day. A good day, but now I am very tired, and I am being a fatty, indulging in chocolate-covered pretzels, and Rilo Kiley.

I am now on Christmas break! Took the easiest final exams of my life today: College Composition (I'm good at english, yay!), and Media & Morality (the class = a JOKE). Spent the rest of the day doing absolutely nothing and everything all at once with my good friend, Shelley. More Christmas shopping. Attended class. Had a lovely conversation, yet again, on my way home with Lindsay. Here.

I am just about to begin my Arts and Crafts project the exact moment I finish typing this shit up. I'm making my parents a family-themed scrapbook for Christmas. And while I'm a complete grandma for enjoying doing stuff like this, I am so disgusted by how much I've fucking contradicted myself! I am not fond of my family at all!
But I want to fix things up between us really, really bad. And I guess I'm hoping that this Christmas, things will finally get better between us, maybe.


Don't fool yourself into thinking you're more than you are
With your arms outstretched to me
And if you want me,
You better speak up, I won't wait
So you better move fast.

Yeah, I miss you.



-mkp.

Swapping your blood with formaldehyde?

I am seriously stressed out.

I am afraid because I know I haven't done too well on some of the finals I have taken. Its my fault, I am not much of a studier, studying just does not work for me. I cannot concentrate on anything for a remotely large period of time (unless its painting–of course, with a plentiful amount of time for breaks, anyways), especially if I just don't feel like doing it. Instead, I do things that are either completely worthless, or can be completed at some other time. Like yesterday, instead of looking over notes I actually have taken, I re-organized my closet, refolded every single article of clothing I own, doodled recklessely and angrily for hours, and even planned out my 18th birthday: a Marie Antoinette theme that will more than likely never even happen. Damn us bulls and our compulsive laziness.

I took my Economics final today, and I was suprised at how much I DIDN'T know. Usually I can retain the information (which is why I find no need to study) needed and I'll pass with a B or C. But I forgot that I did absolutely NOTHING in Econ, except for work on late art home assignments, snack on hot cheetos, and share stories with Kels, Alexis, and Sabz.
The day before, I took my chemistry final. This is the one class that I seriously need to pass. I currently have a D, and I am not down for fucking night school. And so I went home, laid down my textbook, notes, and practice final my teacher provided us with, played some quiet ambient music, sat down, and then: nothing. I had the right mindset. I mean, I was planning on studying. But I guess, the sad truth is that I don't know how. And so, I took the damn test, and I am praying to God and to Mary and Joseph and all those sweet angels and saints in heaven that by some miracle, I'll pass her class with a C-.

Tomorrow, I am taking the English final, which is practically comprised of a shitload of stories that I should probably start reading right now.... .

BYEZ.




mkp.

Fully Loaded Nachos.

I really would like some right now, actually. Drenched completely with loads of hot sauce, of course. mmm.

YESTERDAY = Chuck E. Cheese, Pirates, Park, and Taco Bell!

I missed the Christmas concert, too. Its been rather boring all years I've gone (except for last, because of some earthy substance) and I over-exhausted myself to the point where I felt that I just could not be able to go. I feel really bad too cause I really wanted to see Kels and Alex and Alexis and all them. Its the last one I would have ever gone to, also.

But with that being said, today was good.
2 hour detention sucked, but having a big breakfast after with some good friends is the best.

Now, I should probably take another jab at this whole "studying for finals"thing. Yikes.


And for anyone who's reading, do me a huge favor and listen to the Yeah Yeah Yeah's "All I want for Christmas." It's on ze myspace page.

DO IT DO IT DO IT.




bff,
mkp

Tiny Vessels

So now, I'm here.
Today was a rather good day.
Not good in an eventful sense, but it was good in the sense of recollection, of somesort.

"This is the moment that you know
That you told her that you loved her but you don't.
You touch her skin and then you think
That she is beautiful but she don't mean a thing to me..."

I feel that I've been holding up much better.
Surprisingly things have somewhat improved with my family. My mom and I actually had a conversation today. And we weren't even yelling at each other, we were just talking. And we were talking without wanting to rip each other's heads off. Melissa and I got along once we got home. I helped her with a paper she needed to write for english on "The Black Cat" by Edgar Allan Poe. I like that story a lot, and I figured that she needed help. And I don't usually get asked for help by her too often, so I happily obliged. She gave me a smile and a "thank you" not too long ago right before she went to bed. It feels nice to be an older sister.

"...I wanted to believe in all the words that I was speaking,
As we moved together in the dark
And all the friends that I was telling
All the playful misspellings
and every bite I gave you left a mark..."

Also, I had a nice and much needed talk with Lindsay about life after class. There's so much that I've learned from this woman, and I can say that I am eternally grateful for everything she has done for me. I've known her for years now, and we have a relationship that is more than teacher and student; she has become a great friend. Sometimes, I feel that it is too difficult to accept her generosity. I've fucked up so many times, and yet she can still smile and say that I'm a good person, that she's proud of me. I sometimes feel that my name and the words, "good person" cannot coexist in the same sentence, like its some sort of grammatical error.

"...So one last touch and then you'll go
And we'll pretend that it meant something so much more
But it was vile, and it was cheap
and you are beautiful but you don't mean a thing to me."

There's such a sad and elegant beauty that comes with this song.
I've had it on repeat now and it just encapsulates that moment when mind, body, and soul come together and just know and understand shit. I've been on both sides of the song. It's the love and the hate of surrender, and ultimately it is inevitable.

It is the door that closes and the one that opens beside it.

That's where I am right now.




mkp

Asshole

First and foremost, I have the best friends in existence. There is NO doubt about it.

After thinking things through, I've come to realize that maybe I DO deserve better. I shouldn't settle for shit like this. Cause that's exactly what is is... its all just fucking shit. Its shit now, it will be shit later. I have to face that no matter how much I would have wanted to, we are not, nor ever, going anywhere. And that is all it is.

And for all those people who have finally beat some sense into my head: I love you, thank you.




xomkp

The point of it all

I'm so tired of being here.

Since 9:oo this morning, the house has been filled with nothing but hate. We have no respect for each other here. I missed my scheduled detention due to this morning's surprising turn of events. My mother refused to take me. She called me an "irresponsible, lazy, out of control girl" she had as a daughter. And I couldn't just let her get away with that, though its practically true. Of course, I had to go and defend myself. Of course, I had to make matters much worse. And so while we were going at it, my sister somehow got involved. And so all three of us were just fucking yelling at each other, and I looked at my dad. He looked sick and pale and the expression on his face was just so empty, though I know it was merely a disguise hiding everything he wished he could but couldn't say.
My dad left at 11:00. But before he did, he pulled me aside and told me that I needed to fix my relationship with my mom and sister. I laughed. I told him that it would be impossible. And then, tears welled up in my dad's eyes. And as a few of those tears escaped, he let out in a single breath, "What did I do to deserve this?"
Silenced, i ran straight into my room. Locked the doors, hid under the covers, and turned up my music real loud, but not loud enough to hide the noises of his sreeching tires as he drove away.

I am STILL here.
They've given up on trying to get me out of my room, and finally, things are silent. But there is still a hostility that fills the air. I'm too terrified to leave my room even to get a glass of water. I've imprisoned myself. But how am I to make things better?
How can I fix things with my sister if she refuses to even be within 5 ft. of me? How do I fix things with my mom when she can't even look at me? I am never going to be enough for her. I am just her fucked up daughter without a direction in life, just getting by.
What is the poing of trying to prove her wrong, when those attempts will be shortlived? What is the point of going to an art school, in hopes of making a career out of something which I am passionate for when I will end up unsuccessful? What is the point of me trying to obtain 100 days of sobriety if I will just end up relapsing anyways?
What is the point of freely giving him second chances when I will just be let down in the end?

What is the point of it all?....




I really just wish my dad would come home.

Scrappps.

The parallels between reality and the images inside my head are just about getting ridiculous.

Tomorrow's pep-rally theme is "Love for L.A./L.A. PRIDE", and to participate, we get to dress up according to the theme.

...the fuck?

mkp.

70 days!

30 more fucking days to my 100th.
and i feel good.

i am utterly proud of myself.


but to be completely honest, it hurt just a little bit when you openly accepted things and didn't even fight back. ouch.




xomkp