I don't know who I am writing this to. To stephanie. to jarrett. to gina to crystal to kelsey. i love you all but you dont deserve my shit. But I don't know what the fuck is wrong with me. I don't know why I do these things. I'm a disaster. A pathetic excuse for a person. I'm a fucking time bomb waiting to explode. I'm a fucking finger about to click the trigger I'm a fucking mess and I destroy myself over and over agian. And I hurt everyone I love in the process. I am an insensitive piece of shit. I'm a fuckign selfish and deserve none of oyur love.. I'm sorry I'm sorry Im sorry amillion times i am sorry but that won;t do anything will it. my sorries don't change anything. you hate me now. you hate me but i still love you and i iwsh i never had told you.. i shouold have kept it secret. at least there it would have been safe. i was supposed to be strong for you. i needed to show you that i was fine and i didnt need to destroy myself. im a trrible friend. i shou;d have told you. i should have told you for the start. but when you revealed i to me i just couldnt do it. i couldnt admit that even I was battlign this disease, no. I needed to be the one you looked at with hope, with light, with love.
but i am weak. i am falling apart and i could not havr carried both you and i. and and i am stupid. i hurt you badly and didnt even realize it ubtil i did. i cant believe myself. whay is fuckinf wrong with my late;y. i hate msyself for it. i wish you would never have tio see me agian. i wish i could just stay here and lock myself in and just rot.
mkp.
