Is it wrong to say that I am still hurt? Because I am. I feel used and taken advantage of. And the one slip I have, I'm shunned away and neglected. What about every single time you wanted to hurt yourself, or someone hurt you? I was there immediately. The fights with your mother, your sisters, your boyfriend? The time you wanted to kill yourself? The times you needed to run away from home? The times you were passed-out from intoxication, and I had to physically keep your safe? All the times you hated yourself? Whenever you threw the word "ugly" at your own name, I only echoed back "you are beautiful." I loved you more than I could ever love myself. Still, I am even the one who must make amends. I think I've finally realized how much effort I've put into this, and its selfish of you to not even try as much as I do. I can't believe I somehow mustered enough strength to tend and care and look out for your shrinking sanity and my own growing madness, whilst trying to juggle these classes and my own failing friendships and this fucking long distance relationship. I've only been allowing myself to feel guilt and sadness. But you know what? I can feel mad too. Because I am very angry with you.
mkp.
