Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, directed by Michael Gondry.
I have a new bruise dancing along my cheekbone. I wonder if it's the last time it will happen. I thought maybe I could depend on someone to make me feel happy and not like shit, but I should have known better. It's not the first time I've been been flaked on. I need to remind myself that even though I really try to always be there for people, I can't expect it in return. So instead, I took shelter in my bedroom. I ate four bowls of cereal and a pack of Now & Later's. I worked intensively on a series of 10 drawings. I kept Andrea Gibson's "Yellowbird" audio cd playing on repeat. I left only to pee and to refill my water bottle. When I was younger, I used to disappear for days. Between drawing in sketchbooks and religiously reading the Lord of the Rings, I found no real reason to have to leave my room. But right now, I'm feeling sick. Sick of food, sick of not fighting back, and sick of feeling like I'm really disappearing.
But this has always been my favorite film. And today gave me the perfect excuse to watch it again. I actually haven't seen it as much as the others in my collection. The last time it was watched was over a year and a half ago. Clementine is my favorite character from all of film, but she can be so unlikable. I usually feel a lot like her, though. An eccentric, impulsive, vindictive, little bitch. However, today, I felt more like Joel, with his initial want to erase everything, in hopes for a new beginning of some sort.
mkp.
