Yesterday, there was a family party for my sister's seventeenth birthday. I had never felt more miserable around my family in my entire life. There was laughter and smiles all around, but I wanted to disappear into thin air. Vanish unnoticed. Honestly, the only reason I go to these gatherings is because one day, I hope to never attend one ever again. I'm sick of home. I love Los Angles and all it has to offer. But I do not want to be in beautiful California if I must stay a yearning twenty-year old free spirit, imprisoned in this house. Chained to this dark dingy room, the only place under this roof that has known me. I am tired of having to keep quiet about Jarrett and my personal life. Of having to censor myself, and lie just so I can go out and see something new. Of having to justify anything I do with reasons as to how it will benefit me. I'm sick of wearing this mask just to please my parents. It's comprised of everything I am not, and I'm afraid that after a while, I'll lose any memory of the person I am. I hate it here, and I need to rid myself of these chains. I need to be set free. How beautiful would it be to leave in the middle of the night and never see those faces again. Run away to the city, or to the country. See things for myself, and by myself for once. But I cannot leave. I don't have the means, nor the heart to just pack my things and go. I can't muster the courage to say goodbye. I'll be stuck here forever.
mkp.
