"Hey! Isn't that..."
I turn my head, and out of the corner of my eye I see a head full of bright pink locks. I feel my cheeks growing red and warm, as I jerk my head immediately back. I take another deep drag off my cigarette.
"It's her! She's even sitting like her! Marie, look!"
"Oh... I dunno... I guess"
"What do you mean?" "You mean you guys aren't close anymore?" "You don't talk to her?"
I smiled and simply said that she just needed to defeat some demons and take a break from everyone, including me. I threw the half-smoked cigarette on the floor, and gently crushed it. I clenched my fists and walked back into the painting studio to escape from everyone. I could feel their eyes on me, even after I made it inside. How could I possibly tell them anything that didn't slightly reveal what had happened between her and I? I felt so removed from everyone the second I saw her. It felt like last semester all over again and I just desperately needed to get away from that place. I thought of her and all our painful memories, and it made me furious. I was having such a good day. I was with friends. I had a wonderful class. We had a great model for figure drawing. I was happy. I was learning to be okay without her. And all it took was to catch a glimpse of her stupid pink hair for my day to be ruined. Just to think of her for a split second was all it took for me to want to do something terrible.
I don't even think I felt hurt that she didn't bother to say hello to me or shoot me a text. I don't even think I felt compelled to say hello to her. It was a weird feeling inside me. I used to welcome her with warmth and love and all I had to offer, and for once, I just wanted to be as far away as possible from her. It was like the last time I saw her, during the final critique last semester. When she gave me a half-hearted hug and walked away to her rental car, to her home. I think a part of me knew that was the last I'd ever feel her in my arms. I think I knew that I wouldn't see her again. For some reason, I was okay with that. I still love her, but I don't think I care anymore. I don't think I can, or even know how to. Either way, she's just somebody that I used to know now.
I walked to my next class, my fists still clenched tight, my knuckles white as stars. But I saw no stars. All I saw were strands of pink wrapped around my fingers.
mkp.
