[11x14 inches. Ink & watercolor on illustration board]
Here's my dancing, sickly, ladybird pin-up. She was a big hit during critique today. The assignment was to create a hybrid creature of animal and nature characteristics.
I've had the smell of smoke lingering in my lungs for the past few days. I can taste it in my mouth. Ironically, the last cigarette I smoked was about a week ago. As of late, I've been a bum, stranded in the art center of the campus, while the smell of tobacco imprints itself onto my skin. I've been staying at school everyday 'til past 6 p.m., even though I am technically dismissed at 4:45. There's something strangely comforting about being surrounded by creative, passionate, brilliant people. It motivates me. It makes me want to be more gutsy with my own art, and to make something new, and to not hold back from what I need to say. Their compulsive smoking is enough for me, too. I guess I've been staying late because it's not so lonely there. While I wouldn't consider all these people "good" friends of mine, they are there to talk to, or laugh with, or just listen. Whereas at home, its a different story. I don't know where I stand in a majority of my friendships. It used to bother so much, I'd catch myself texting out a message to send, and then erasing it after realizing how pathetically needy I look. It still bothers me, though. But maybe I'm just tired of it all. I'm tired of fighting for people who don't care for me as I do for them. I'm always in these one-sided things. Sucks. Anyway, I hope she won't flake on me, come Friday. Because even though she's an idiot, and I hate her most of the time, and she makes me feel like I'm going crazy, and I can never decide if I want to punch her in the face or hold her hand, "lonely" is the last thing I feel when I'm with her.
mkp.
