I watched Inception for the first time recently. It was beautiful and complex. It made sense to me, the fact that people can so easily lose themselves within their dreams... but even more than that, people can also lose themselves through their desires, their addiction, their work or reputation, even their relationships. Sometimes, reality can appear hazy, and what is truly actual is not within our grasp. I used to venture out into the caverns of my imagination, to escape the uncompromising tendencies that world offered me. And for once, I felt that I finally had control over something. I did not have to succumb to the inevitable trap of time, nor deal with the stupid inconsideration of others. I did not have to feel sad or angry or so empty all the time, and it was liberating. Whether I still do that is unknown.. or I just can't remember.
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I keep waking up, expecting to find you sleeping right next to me. Where did you go? I could have sworn you were here a second ago.. I can vividly remember you kissing the skin behind my ear, and our fingers locking together, as we cuddled and danced beneath the sheets. I will check my phone compulsively to see if you've texted or called me at some time. And then after I have given up on waiting for you, I will lay my head down and find my way back to sleep. And then finally, you come back to me, and I am all yours again. But no, there is not another body lying in this bed to keep me warm. Those are not your long, slender fingers folded over the back of my hand. That hot breath I feel whipping the back of my neck is just a projection. You are gone.
I was dreaming this whole time, and I've finally woken up.
mkp.
