"there's alot of things i don't understand,
why so many people lie.
its the hurt i hide inside that fuels the fire inside me.
will i always feel this way?
so empty, so estranged."
far too much shit is going on for me, or really anyone, to even remotely solve all at one pace. i don't understand why everything needs to happen all at the same time. i don't really know how to deal with anything.
telling peple won't help me. i'd just feel overwhelmed with guilt that i might've clouded their lives with my own problems.
its just really sucks when you only get 3-4 hours of sleep per night due to withdrawals.
and when inspiration isn't kicking in like it used to.
it sucks when my art portfolio needs to consist of 15-20 strong pieces when i only have 6 that i want to include. it also sucks when i need to have it all done by november 15.
and it sucks that i need to apply for college very soon and csun apps are due by the 31s and i haven't even fucking started.
it fucking sucks that my grades are less-than stellar and i know that i can't keep up with everyone else.
it sucks when things are really awkward between you and your best friend cause of some fucking guy who's supposedly my friend, who got in the way somehow. and it sucks now, feeling too scared to tell her anything anymore, when i know i should be able to.
and it really sucks when close friends decide to break up from a long relationship and you're stuck in the middle to console the both of them. and its especially hard when i feel like i'm in the postition to pick sides and can't. and it sucks that i know the group won't be the same for a while.
and it sucks when things at home aren't that good either, and my sister and i can never seem to get along, but i really want us to.
and it sucks when my only sense of comfort comes from someone i haven't seen in a year who've i've been talking to alot lately, but haven't talked to much before that.
and it sucks knowing that i may soon do something that i'd regret miserably for the mere purpose of just having someone there to hold me.
it just really fucking sucks right now.
why is it that when i am put into the most difficult situations, ray's music is the only thing that makes any sense to me?
god, this post is so fucking emo.
i guess i'm just going to keep listening and hope that the solutions for my problems will soom emerge.
-mkp
