"I was cold in a dream, somewhere close to the surface.
Between the ice and the stream, there is three inches of air.
So I swam towards the light, I let my breath get there first.
When I opened my eyes, I saw myself in the mirror.
And I knew I would do like my father has done.
Yes, we will never break from these chains.
Your life is gonna course like a history book,
Don't be frightened of turning the page.
Cause it's is all the same.
It will always be the same."
Almost two years ago, I posted an entry about this song. These lyrics have always haunted me. Everytime I paint, or write, or even go to class, I hear Conor's voice trembling in my head. My biggest fear is that my life will end up like theirs, and this song will become my reality. I have told myself time and time again, that I will never succumb to their pathetic idea of what is "right" for me. But I'm slipping. Everyday, I'm a little further off from who I was. I'm not as strong-willed as I used to be. I'm a pathetic excuse for someone who is going for dreams and for what they really want. I don't really believe in myself, and I've been hoping that someone could just wrap me up in their arms and tell me that they believe in me, and that everything will be okay, and that I will be happy and fine, and my family will support me, too. But hoping is getting me nowhere. So I've decided that I'm going to find myself again. And if I cannot find her deep within my entity, I will at least create a stronger, braver, more exceptional self, and I will not give a fucking fuck about anyone or anything that stood in my way. You'll see.
mkp.
