I've been on medication for the past two or so days, to treat a serious allergic reaction to a spider bite on my left wrist. Consequently, I've been loopy and groggy lately. There was no class today, so I allowed myself the luxury of sleeping in. Hadn't done that in a while. When I finally decided to get up, I checked my phone for the time and for any missed calls or messages during my time to myself. The screen read "11:42, November 11". November 11, already? I sat up instantly after realizing this. It's ridiculous how much everything I've done has been directed by the events that occurred within this day, seven years ago. I'm wondering now, if I'm finally free from its grasp? I am a lot stronger now, compared to 12 yr old, 15 yr old, 18 yr old Marie. I feel like I've grown up a lot. Crystal told me once that she envies me for my self-control. Never, ever expected to hear that at all.
I think that this year, I won't cry. Not even once. I'll be sad, but I think for once I'll have my shit together, and I'll be able to do things without having to sob every five minutes and think of you. I think this means that I've finally accepted what's happened. I know I say that every year, but I don't know, this time feels different, maybe. It feels like I finally have control over things. So with all that being said...
Leo, I miss you always. It's still hard, but I am fine. I finally know that I will be alright without you. Rest in peace.
mkp.
